Improving Self-Talk in Young People
Updated: Oct 13
"Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn." ~ Benjamin Franklin
Take a moment and guess...
How many thoughts do you think you have each day?
Researchers estimate that we have around 50,000 - 80,000 thoughts per day… and yes, that includes children too. Amazing, isn’t it?
So, why is this important?
We can spend so much of our lives inside our own heads, listening and believing our inner dialogue. This ongoing conversation is what we call "self-talk".
Some of that inner dialogue is kind and encouraging. Some of it can be critical, fearful, or unkind. When negative self-talk becomes a familiar voice, it can chip away at our confidence, self-worth, and sense of what we are capable of.
This is why I believe social-emotional learning matters immensely. As a former teacher, I realized early on that helping children understand themselves, recognize and challenge their inner thoughts, and learn how to meet themselves with kindness is just as important as what we teach them academically.
The way we make sense of the world, of ourselves, and of what happens around us shapes how we move through life. Over time, it becomes the voice we carry inside us - our mindset.
So when we work with children and young people, we’re not teaching them what to think or how to behave. We’re helping them learn how to be with themselves, with other people, and with life when things don’t go the way they hoped.
The things we say to ourselves, especially when we’re hurting, can either add to the pain or help us through it. Learning to meet ourselves with kindness, rather than turning against ourselves, gives us something to lean on when life gets hard.
That is where resilience grows. Not from never struggling or always being strong, but from knowing that when things fall apart, we can stay close to ourselves. We can feel what hurts, make sense of it, learn from it, and find our way forward again.
Shifting the Focus
Together, we can help young and growing minds to shift their focus from negativity to abilities and potential. Modeling and talking about a growth mindset is one of the most powerful ways to do this.
Fixed Mindset vs. Growth Mindset
Fixed Mindset: Believes that character, intelligence, and creative abilities are static. “We either have it or we don’t.” Those with a fixed mindset often avoid challenges and have a fear failure. Afraid to make mistakes.
Growth Mindset: Sees challenges and mistakes as learning opportunities. Young people with a growth mindset aren’t afraid to take risks, stretch their abilities, and improve through practice and persistence.
These mindsets appear early and shape our behaviour in many ways.
The popular saying, “practice makes perfect,” has never quite sat right with me. But practice certainly does help us become more natural at something. With time, what once felt hard and unfamiliar can begin to feel like second nature.
What Can Parents Do?
It’s difficult to hear a child say things like:
“I can’t do this. I give up!”
“I suck.”
“I´m stupid”
“I´m never going to be as smart/good as ________.”
“I´ll never be good at _____.”
"I hate myself/my ______"
"I failed."
"I´m so ugly"
....and the list goes on.
As teachers, we hear these words far more often than we would like.
But there are ways to respond and to shift the focus toward effort and potential:
1. By asking reflective questions like:
What did you try that was hard today?
What mistake did you make that taught you something?
What did you do today that made you think hard?
What challenges did you face or overcome today at school?
2. Praise effort and strategies rather than outcomes.
Celebrate persistence, problem-solving, rising to a challenge, and learning from mistakes.
3. Read books that promote a growth mindset and positive self-talk.
Stories are such a beautiful way to reinforce learning, reflection, curiosity and life lessons. Encourages discussion.
Some great options include:
Your Fantastic, Elastic Brain by JoAnn Deak
The Girl Who Never Made Mistakes by Mark Pett and Gary Rubinstein
What Do You Do With a Problem / Chance / Idea? by Kobi Yamada
Mindset Matters by Brian Smith
After the Fall by Dan Santat
The Magical Yet by Angela Diterlizzi
The Book of Mistakes by Corinna Luyken
Rosie Revere, Engineer by Andrea Beaty
The Bad Seed by Jory John
The Most Magnificent Thing by Ashley Spires
Supporting Emotions and Limiting Beliefs with Flower Essences and/or Homeopathic Medicines
Flower essences or homeopathic remedies are a natural and gentle way to support young people with their emotions and the thought patterns that may be limiting them.
I often suggest flower essences or homeopathic remedies during my 1:1 tween/teen coaching sessions as part of a wider approach to shifting any distorted energetic patterns.
When young people begin to recognize the negative self-talk and limiting beliefs they carry about themselves, they can start to question them rather than simply accept them as truth. With the right support, those inner conversations can begin to shift ~ making space for more self-belief, and a kinder way of seeing themselves ~ self love and compassion. <3
Sol Frequency with Melissa Teixeira ~ Homeopathic and Integrative Health Practitioner
Get in touch if you would like to know more, or book a free no-obligation discovery call via my website below.
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